Christmas Funnies

So before I start actually posting again about, you know the things I post about, I thought I'd share a little holiday story about my grandmother. You see my grandmother is one of the sweetest and earnest ladies I know and every Christmas she gives me the most wonderful gift of all: the gift of puzzlement. She's downright unpredictable. I mean we aren't talking like a sweater no 22 (wow) year old would wear, we're talking about a gift with no precedent in law, in history, or in conceivability.

A necessary preliminary though: when my family was opening up presents Christmas morning there were five tubes all exactly the same under the tree--one for each member of the family. My parents already knew what was inside and once my sister and I picked up the tubes we knew immediately as well. My Dad had won a 5 pack of Pringles and instead of just putting them in the cupboard we each got one wrapped. I was amused because the dog had gotten one.

Later my grandmother came over for dinner, bringing with her the presents I had been anticipating for a few weeks. You see last year, my grandmother had, among several other very nice things, wrapped and gifted me a twelve pack of puddings. The sheer randomness of this gift (especially do to my large disinterest in pudding as a whole) had filled me with joy. That same year she had also purchased my cousin an inflatable camouflaged seat cushion. I was/still am sick with envy.

I tore into the this years presents and discovered a 5 pack of Pringles, providing me in total with more than a year's supply of Pringles. But this was only an appetizer. Next she handed me a grocery bag. She apologized: "I forgot your birthday until this morning, so this is just some stuff from around the house." Now I was stoked. The first of two small packages was a deck of Uno cards. "Have you ever played that before?" I had. In fact one of the most prevalent memories I have of my grandmother are afternoons full of raisins, Racko, and Uno. Often vicious versions of all three. All this of course is nothing compared to the final package: a homemade cardboard box containing all the small change she had around the house. "There's some shiny ones in there."

I love my grandmother and don't think for a minute she's simple--she's the opposite. She's cunning. At her age I can only hope to be half as wily. No longer able to skateboard, skydive, DDR, or compete in the UFC, I too will amuse myself with the bewilderment of others. Perhaps dress up as a sea captain, spend my day at the local Walmart incorrectly using nautical terms, and eventually get forcibly removed by security, giving me the rest of the evening to sew the next day's carrot costume. For instance.

But that's the future. Right now I need to go eat some Pringles and roll some coins.