Mr. Plinkett Hates the New Star Trek

Hate might be a strong word. Even stronger considering I haven't watched the review yet. But, in efforts to be topical, I just wanted to give you the heads up about the new reviews.

RedLetterMedia has already done a review of Star Trek, but I imagine this one is a little more thorough, you know, the hour plus long thorough that we've grown accustomed to with his reviews.

Jump for the videos.

Part 2!

Here's hoping there's less rape. Feels weird to type that. That's typically my normal attitude.

Hey, did I ever tell you about the Baby's Day Out review? Yeah, I didn't remember it was a movie either.

Scott Pilgrim: Good, also: Not Sexist

I'm late, because of the new job, but still!, I got something to get off my chest. I'm not angry, just not so sure what all the fuss is about with Scott Pilgrim.

I saw the movie a week or two ago, at a non-franchise theatre because it was no longer playing in any major theatre in my city for whatever reason. I went in with some serious trepidation. SP had been getting some mediocre reviews, and many critics had taken issue with the whole women as objects to be won thing. First the vote, then they want to be treated like people in cinema. Which actually strikes me as funny because this issue doesn't come up when almost every other film centers on a male character fighting for a woman whom improves his life/solves all his personal issues. But whatever.

I watched the lil' fucker though and I came out damn impressed. My favourite movie of the year impressed. I saw multiple articles on the possible reasons for its failure, and I can see the whole, a movie for hipsters thing issue. The movie is for people that are nostalgic for 8-bit, and who are also twenty something. I'm sorry, but that is not a real demographic outside of nerds and hipsters.

I saw some people posting on boards that the movie isn't about hipsters because it makes fun of hipsters. You know what is the favourite past times of hipsters? Making fun of other hipsters. ESPECIALLY scene kids. This movie is for and about hipsters.

Okay, so I get that this is a small audience, and so this probably didn't help the movie's numbers at all. I mean, when I was watching the trailers for this movie, it looked like it was going to be fantastic and I couldn't imagine anyone not wanting to see this film. I guess that's because it was made for me. Too bad I don't have more friends. Who cares though, this movie will get lots of love on DVD and its not like Edgar Wright is going to stop making movies.

Another issue is the backlash against Cera. I can't speak to this issue because I'm an ardent defender of the boy and I only wish he was in better films. Yes, he often plays similar characters, as does Bill Murray, George Clooney, and for heaven's sake Robert Fucking DeNiro. But I digress. I think he plays a different character in SP. A teenager who is over-confident, weak, and a bit of a prick, instead of just the nervous, shy, and all around nice boy around the corner who has a crush on his cousin, maybe. But that doesn't matter, ppls is haters. But check out Youth in Revolt if you want to see some funny non-Michael-Cera-ish Michael Cera.

But, onto the women thing. Some critics took issue with how the film sets up Scott Pilgrim as the boy that finds a girl that fixes his world and that he has to fight to obtain. From the appearance of the film, that would seem to be the structure of the plot, and indeed a fear that I went to the theatre with, but one however that is severely complicated by the actual film. Both Romana and Knives are strong female characters, with Romana in particular with a complicated past that makes her getting together with Pilgrim more complex than a forever-after (in the rom-com sense) ending. They have complicated pasts and those interfere with the relationship.

Indeed, the film is, in some sense, in some slight spoilery sense, a movie about the problems of past relationships on new ones, and the troubles of becoming a person outside of those, in this case, past mistakes, and really about entering into relationships that are automatically complicated by the unavoidable baggage that everyone comes burdened with. SP just handles these complex issues in terms of videogame fight sequences. Metaphors people! Metaphors.

Screw it all though. SP is a movie made for me, and I enjoyed the shit out of it. I think if you like Wright's previous films, or if you have a fond spot in your heart for classic games but you still consider yourself a younger member of your society, you'll probably like this movie as well. And if you don't, then this movie wasn't for you.

I'm trying to actually place the reference for that reference. This movie wasn't for you. I think someone said something douchey like that once to excuse his or her shitty artistry. Hmm.

Truck, truck, truck!

Fiddy Twitter, Voiced

Well obviously someone made a movie of Fiddy's twitter posts. I'm sure there's a reason this video was made, and I'm sure there's a reason why it's a fake conversation between Fiddy and Rain Wilson, but I don't care. What I do care about is laughter. Your laughter.

You're welcome. Also, thank you Boing Boing. You bring me so many random joys.

I'm with Team Evil

I haven't posted anything about Daily Show in a bit. I've shown restraint? Also possible I haven't felt pressed by those shining moments.

Well, Monday's segment gets filed under those spectacular moments.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
The Parent Company Trap
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

Canadian link.

Mind blowing stuff. TDS succinctly sums it up though, either unfathomably stupid or inhumanly evil.

Potatoes with mouths.

More Rap Twitter Comedy

Are all super star rappers' Twitter accounts this entertaining? I mean, Kanye is funny, but then I read some Fiddy excerpts on Boing Boing.

Realistically, I bet I'm safe.

TT: Danny Glover is Ahab for Dragons

If you watch the below trailer you will see a few strange things. Danny Glover as a crazy old man obsessed with killing a dragon, that this movie is based on Moby Dick, and that this sort of combination requires both hard rock and Vinnie Jones.

There are various things that puzzle me about this movie.

• First, does it take place in the future? If so, is it vying for the greatly sought after title of best futuristic dragon movie, previously held by Reign of Fire.
• Secondly, does this movie take place in some alternate universe where the Tenenbaum family gets eaten by a white dragon, and Henry Sherman must avenge their murderer/consumer? If so, why is Pagoda not helping?
• Most obviously, Moby Dick with dragons? Moby Dick by Herman Melville? How, in God's good greatness, did this get made? Unless it was all Danny Glover's idea, this all seems like one of those joke movies you see in other movies, like Snake on a Plane.
  
• What's with dragons and hard rock? Just off the top of my head:
  1. Reign of Fire/Mad at Gravity
  2. Dragon Age Trailer, and let's not talk about the advertising/credits song
  3. Trogdor

Is this Dragonforce's fault?

THATCHED ROOF COTTAGES!

Christian Onions

Been busy this week after starting the new "job", and with the strange hours I've been a negligent blogpanion. Apologies my blogpartners.

Anywhoo...!, Meg showed me this article that she found on some dude's facebook: "Is My Husband GAY?" ChristWire lists several good signs to spot a homohubby

4) Overly fastidious about his appearance and the home
Natural men have a certain amount of grit about them. They sweat and they smell. Homosexuals often abhor this sort of thing and will also be incredibly particular about the cleanliness of the home. Does your man tweeze his eyebrows, trim his pubic hairs or use face moisturizers? Is he picky about brand name shampoos? Does he spend more time getting ready for a night out than you do?
...
13) Extroverted about his bare chest in public
Does he go shirtless in the back yard or at picnics when other men are around? Does he wear a speedo at the beach? Does it seem like he’s purposely standing right in the middle of a crowd to show off his chest and arm muscles, peppering people with questions about how strong he looks? He may be craving physical affirmation from other men and desperately looking for hints of shared desires in those around him.

You can read the rest here, and I highly recommend you do so, it is highly enjoyable.

What the issue was however, is that after reading the article, it seemed too ridiculous to be straight (har har). I read it at first thinking it was serious, but the bordering on satirical tone made me wonder if this was a joke. Then I read the writer's profile: "Stephenson Billings is an Investigative Journalist, Motivational Children's Party Entertainer and Antique Soda Bottle Collector all in one special, blessed package!"

Hmm. And so yeah, heading to the main site I saw this image capture


Yeah, joke site.

It's unfortunate that the site isn't serious, I mean it loses some of the superiority humour element, but whatever, as a christian Onion, I think it will amuse me greatly.

I haven't read much so maybe it's not so hilarious but I'm going to be hopeful dammit!

"Excuse me, are you the Judean People's Front?"
"Fuck off! We're the People's Front of Judea!"

Darjeeling Limited Finally gets a Decent DVD Release

I have to say, I love The Darjeeling Limited. I don't understand why it gets so much hate. I know people started to slag Wes Anderson off about the time he came out with this movie. All the critics wrote it off because it was just another Wes Anderson movie for people that like Wes Anderson movies. Well, I do and so I don't see anything wrong with it.

That said, I found something very wrong with its DVD release. It contained nothing of interest--especially a commentary track. Anderson commentary tracks are always informative and entertaining and when I found out Darjeeling on DVD wasn't going to have one (or anything of real substance I decided not to buy because I knew eventually they'd put out a better edition. Fast forward to now, and they're FINALLY releasing a Criterion Collection edition of the movie.

Above is the lovely cover art which seems to want to make up for the minimalist cover design for the Criterion Collection edition of Life Aquatic. Anderson movies are full of details, so I have nothing against a detail laden cover, especially when it features Adrian Brody, whose performance really steals the movie (skip to 5:00).

And yeah, the commentary has Anderson and co-writers Jason Schwartzman and Roman Coppola. For the rest of the features hit up The Rushmore Academy.

Did you just fuck that Indian girl? Sweet Lime.

Cera and Schwartzman Confuse Atlanta

For some reason, Cera and Schwartzman ended up on Atlanta Fox News doing the weather. Schwartzman tries to actually read the stuff behind him while Cera just looks like he's on an local news fueled acid trip. Oh, at some point I think somebody off screen says something about Scott Pilgrim.

Considering the other interview I saw with the two where Zach Galifianakis just walks in, I imagine the marketing department for Scott Pilgrim is reconsidering the focus of the pair's promotional outings. Either that or they told them to just go out and fuck around.

Lesbians?

Tarantino Doesn't Work at Disney for a Reason

Well it looks like one of those days, an aggregate sort of day.

I saw this clip on /Film and quite enjoyed it. Ironically enough, Meg is presently playing Kingdom Hearts, so this doesn't even seem at all random at the moment. NSFW btw.

I never really cared for Mickey anyways, and we all know that you don't try to fuck Marsellus Wallace like a bitch.

That first moment when Samuel L. Jackson speaks as Donald Duck might be the funniest thing I'll see all week. Here's to looking down.

This is a tasty burger.

The More You Know: Graboid Edition

Wow, I never thought I'd get to use the Tremor tag again but here we are. The below video is an educational wildlife video on the graboid species. It contains information that, sadly having seen much of what counts for Graboid cannon, was ignorant of, meaning I wasn't paying close enough attention to some of those terrible movies/episodes, or they're just making shit up.

Which I'm completely cool with. The more I know about graboids, the safer I am when venturing into the harsh cruel outside world.

Enjoy:

Monstrous Wildlife from Frank Robnik on Vimeo.

telegram...

The Switch, Funniest Rape-Com of the Year

At least I suspect it is, I haven't done much research into the area *pulls collar away from neck and makes comedy noise*, but let's go ahead and say it's a valid claim.

So, Meg and I were waiting for a movie with a friend, bitching about whatever us MA lit-students bitch about (Mexicans), casually glancing at the multitude of TVs scattered throughout the lobby playing the same cycle of seven trailers interspersed with Skittles commercials ("blue is back!"), when our friend asks Meg, "do you think this is rape?" gesturing at the screen. We watched:

Did you catch the rape? Neither did I at first, but Meg thinks about it for a second and says "yes.". The issue is essentially: Anniston plans to get pregnant and Bateman spills the sample from the man she had actually selected and then, just as a quick and easy solution because what's it really matter, fills the thinger with his own *ahem* sample. He essentially inseminates her without her knowledge/consent."

At first I didn't buy it. Rape is violent and physical. The dude may be a dumb douche for doing what he does, but that doesn't mean he rapes her... does it? This is just some neo-feminist poppycock construing this bad thing as the extreme worst as a necessity of its politics-ideology... right?

But it is rape. He impregnates her without consent. While it may not be the violent form of rape we all know and abhor, it certainly falls under the same category. And what's strange, is that this movie uses this sort of thing casually, as a madcap rom-com premise. It's like if the setup was Bateman killing Aniston's mother, and through the investigation their initial antagonistic relationship blossoms into Hollywood love. I just don't get it.

I haven't seen the movie, and I probably won't, so maybe I'm wrong and the film deals with the severity of the issue, but from the trailer it looks like a typical rom-com. My projected plot is the initial "switch", then flash forward to when the kid's older and Bateman meets the kid and feels like he wants to be a part of his life. Then, when the Anniston finally finds out, she's pissed but eventually gets over it because she loves her son so much and wouldn't want him to be any different. This would and be how she falls in love with Bateman, she would recognize the qualities she sees in her son in Bateman (like the apparent ability to think quick on his feet).

I seriously don't know why either Bateman or Goldbloom are in this stupid movie. I do expect better of both of them. I mean there are paydays and then there are bad movie concepts, and this is the exemplar of the latter.

I just hope my titular prediction is correct and that I'm not forced to swallow my words when Sam Worthington and Katherine Heigl star in Once Upon a Time in a Dark Alley.

Co-starring Zach Galifianakis and Queen Latifah.

Yogi Bear is Probably not a Pedophile

Just a guess.

Alright, /Film is having a little fun with the new Yogi Bear poster. Take a look:


You can click to make it larger... if you want...

But yeah, I don't see the pedophile thing. Granted, the poster is CREEPY AS FUCK, but I don't immediately get the sense that Yogi Bear is having sex with his lil buddy. /Film points to the positioning, the expressions, and the tagline "Great things come in bears", as proof of the entendreness. I guess I can see it if I'm trying, like squinting at one of those bullshit 3D images, but I think all we got here is terrible poster design, with closeups of already terrible character designs and a really stupid pun.

Seriously, how far do you have to stretch to get "great things" = Yogi's penis, "come" = ejaculate, and "in bears" = Boo Boo? Strangely enough, the article says nothing of the "coming soon" thing, which I personally think is funnier than the tagline when read in the dirty sense.

Fuck, who cares about Yogi Bear enough to post about it twice. Christ almighty.

Those eyes are going to haunt me.

All the Pilgrim Promotional Material You'll Need to See

Update: So that cool trailer is also pretty frickin annoying just sitting on the page playing its little title screen music. It's now after a jump.

Some weird and new fangled sort of trailer came out for the forthcoming Scott Pilgrim vs The World. It certainly is an interesting new take on trailers and seems to fit in well with the flavour of the movie, but kwiest is the beep noise that sounds every time you activate a feature annoying as hell. I think it's almost worth turning off the sound entirely so you can't hear it. I didn't though, because I wanted to hear the soothing cadences of Cera's voice as he says "Lesbians?".

I'm feeling a little weird about this movie. I love Edgar Wright and his first two movies, but every movie I've seen this year has been a disappointment. I mean, Inception was pretty good, but it could have been better/made more logical sense internally, Clash of the Titans was painful, Iron Man 2 was poo poodiocre, and Toy Story 3 was Toy Story 2 redux. I actually didn't mind Predators, but that was because I went in with fairly low expectations.

Anyways!, the point: I'm worried this movie, too, is going to disappoint me. I've been anticipating it for a while, but I feel like it has been over saturated (even though I've avoided watching a lot of the content out there, I feel like I've seen too much). The flick has no where to go but down in terms of expectations.

Cool trailer thinger though, eh?

Lesbians?

A Beautiful Springtime Sentiment

I know, it seems like all I do nowadays is post things that I read on other sites. And what would it be to you anyways. Huh? Jerk.

Belligerence aside, here's some funny:

Do a roundhouse!

My Favourite Thing I've Read Today

From an io9 roundup of this week's comics.

In this issue, the British mycological Supergod Morrigan Lugus (who has the fungal power to make people spontaneously masturbate, not making this up) squares off against India's bio-computer Krishna.

Enough said. The full context doesn't really help but it's here if you want it.

Kanye + Twitter(New Yorker Humour) = Actual Humour

Apparently Kanye just got on twitter. A) Who gives two fucks, but B) someone took some of his tweets and made them captions for New Yorker comics.

Link to the collection.

via Boing Boing.

The New Yorker is stealing my ideas.

TT: Yogi Bear and the Worst Idea of the Last Decade

Okay, they're making a Yogi Bear movie. Why you ask? Well, it's beyond both me and common sense (I asked her). To make matters worse it also is going to be one of those mixed live-action CGI deals, so it's going to look like ass in terms of both visuals and art direction.

The director has second unit directed a bunch of movies I hate, done special effects for a list of movies I didn't care to read, and has most notably directed on his own an unknown amount of Xena: The Warrior Princess episodes.

There are a bunch of odd things about the movie though that could go either way, but that I'd put a great deal of money on going the wrong (worst) way.

First, Dan Akroyd is doing the voice for Yogi Bear. Part of me wonders if they hired him solely because he looks like Yogi himself. This is of course a mistake when all he's lending the film is his voice. Also, Justin Timberlake is Boo Boo, which is really really weird but not necessarily damning. Then rounding out the cast is Tom Cavanagh as the ranger and Anna Faris as what I assume is the token female love interest Yogi will embarrass Cavanagh in front of.

While I don't mind Cavanagh, I'm not sure I know anyone else that feels the same--every one seems to hate the guy. And while Faris isn't my favourite actresses, I've really only seen her in Scary Movie so... that was a while ago admittedly.

Oh, also in the cast are Nathan Corddry and Andrew Daly, a pair of potentially funny nobodies that could steal the show, or just be terrible set dressing for Dan Akroyd's set chewing.

Trailer, if you dare:

So, we're all agreed this looks terrible right? Can they just stop making it now? What bugs me is how Akroyd essentially sounds like he's doing a terrible Rodney Dangerfield impression (no respect even in death, yeesh), which isn't really what Yogi Bear sounds like.

Seriously, just scrap what you already have and start in with both Yogi and Boo Boo as Akroyd and Timberlake themselves. I'm not even sure if they need costumes. You can use the same script and footage you've already shot with the rest of the cast, plus be able to save on all that expensive CGI. I'd see this movie with just the two of those dudes running around the forest doing the hardest to ACT those characters. It'd be nice and surreal, also the only reason anyone would see this movie.

FYI: Homosexual Savagery

Jason Jones did a great segment on a don't ask don't tell purporter. Though the topic is fairly obvious at this point. Obviously homosexuals should be able to fight in the military, thinking otherwise has zero reasons other than biggotry (yes, it is), but the guy in the interview has some really ridiculous claims about history and so the segment ends up fairly entertaining. Jones also does a good job of hitting the guy with some fairly obvious and damning questions-counterpoints.

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
Gay Reichs
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

Canadian link.

You know what, I've heard gay people refer to themselves as savage before, but I think they meant it, well, in a gayer way. (Hey, David)

More savage than natural men.

Signs of Life

Wow, it's been a while. School is wrapping up quickly, with lots and lots of work to do, and I'm on the hunt for a job (if you know anyone looking for a wise-ass blogger send me an email), so I've been shitty with the blog.
I've collected a few things over the last bit that I thought I could post about but never got around to it. So how about I do just a quick rundown.

1. The Bechdel Test - I didn't need a test to tell me that Hollywood is male centric, but this test is a fairly damning and practical way to think about women in movies.
2. That South Park death threaten-er got arrested for being stupid in front of an FBI agent apparently. I hope some people greet him kindly when he gets to prison.
3. Um:Quick, someone get him some honey before he joins the new Avengers movie (perhaps a Mary Sue for Whedon ...)
4. Moreover:Darth Vader in a Wes Anderson flick.
   
5. And finally, though not directly related to humour, Glenn Beck hate is as good as chuckles around here so... go fuck yourself Beck.
   

Also, apparently Jon Stewart has a beard. Rub it in Stewart. Rub it in.

props Boing Boing for many of these list items.

Futurama on the Radio

Or well just Billy West, who is half of Futurama on his own really.

West appeared on Fresh Air this week and talked a little about how he created many of his Futurama voices. It's interesting to hear him talk about how he creates his voices, and how he thinks about voice acting. His explanations for Zoidburg and Zap are pretty funny, and I'm pretty impressed to learn that he does all the voices live when they record, so really sometimes he just sits with a mic in front of him and talk with himself.

Here's the link to stream or download.

Simpson Infographic

Seems like these infographics are all the rage nowadays. Here's one for the Simpsons. My take away: voice actors are pimps, especially Azaria, Shearer, and Castellaneta, and that Lisa isn't pulling her weight.

I'd love to see a Futurama one, but then it would only be Billy West.

via /Film

TT: Schmucks and Guns

So Steve Carell and Paul Rudd have teamed up for another comedy, this time Carell playing the supporting role. I don't know if this represents their respective careers, Rudd on the way up after a couple of well received flicks, and Carell on his way down after a series of poorly received films, but it looks like it puts both actors in back in their comfort zones. Rudd gets to play the nice and wise ass straight man and Carell gets to the be the clueless/harmless weirdo.

Dinner for Schmucks is apparently a remake of some Swedish film, which is based of some play. I know some of that information is wrong (particularly the Swedish part) but I can't find the correct information in the 3 minutes I was willing to look for it. The trailer makes the film look pretty funny if not emotionally/narratively predictable. Really though, Carell and Rudd are enough for me to buy in.

The second trailer does not inspire as much confidence in me as the first. It's for the generic sounding Operation: Endgame which stars a bunch of people, most notably Rob Corddry, Jeffrey Tambor, and Zach Galifianakis. It's also straight to DVD, which is usually a bad sign.

/Film talks about the possible reasons why, from mediocre movie to movie company politics. Whyever, it looks like something I'll try but won't be disappointed if it blows. I've embedded the red band trailer so it's NSFW, but here's the link to the green band trailer.

Corddry seems like the standout performance in this. To me, he's always had a mean streak in his comedy and so this sort of role, where he needs to actually seem dangerous, might be just the right opportunity for his particular brand of charisma.

On a final side note, did you notice Galifianakis is in both trailers, indeed is in 60% of comedy trailers nowadays. I think Galifianakis is a funny guy, but I think he's running the risk of over-exposing himself. Notice how people react to Michael Cera or Seth Rogen nowadays? We'll see.

My Elevator

Hey. I had to write a"scenerio" last week for one of my classes. Essentially the assignment was meant to help us explore imaginary users for devices we plan to re-engineer in terms of sound interaction. I wrote my "scenerio" with a certain lack of seriousness because a) I'm a bit (?) of a wanker and b) because I may be incapable of taking anything seriously.

Anyways, I think you might find at least one of my jokes funny if you actually enjoy reading my blog.

After the jump.

Mark checks his mail. Pizza flyer. He never gets flyers from the place where he actually orders his pizza. Probably because they aren’t an international pizza conglomerate, like mom used to run.

He presses the flyer through the trash lid and glimpses dozens more inside.

At the elevators, he presses the up button. He looks at the floor indicator above each elevator and sees the left displays a “1” and the right a “7”. Moving in front of the left elevator, expecting it to open in reaction to his button press, he looks the fool. The left elevator doors remains closed as the number above the right floor indicator begins to decrease.

It does that sometimes.

The right floor indicator reaches “1” and the door opens. The left door never even pretends to open. Which is rude.

Mark enters the right elevator. Of the pair, it has the second set of doors that open to the loading/sticky garbage area. Sometime people throw out couches in this area, which is rude. This elevator, unlike the left, also beeps.

The doors close after Mark presses the button marked “11”. The elevator hums as it begins its ascent. Not to use sound clichés (are all onomatopoeia clichés?), but that’s what the elevator does; it hums as it moves.

But the humming is nothing. Mark accepts the humming. Indeed to not expect humming might be a little presumptuous. Anyways, as the elevator reaches the second floor the speaker beeps. And not a subtle beep, or a pleasant beep, the little speaker produces a harsh and sharp beep, just to let you know, you know, that you’ve passed the second floor. And the elevator offers this notification every floor.

I don’t know why the elevator thinks Mark, or anyone else for that matter, needs to know that s/he has passed the second floor, or each floor. Really, anyone only needs to know when they’ve reached their particular floor. Beeping every floor is like a tour guide that only honks the horn as s/he drives passed every site of importance.

The irritating quality of this ticker is only one of the myriad beautiful sounds this elevator can provide. Also for your listening pleasure:

• A rapid (approx once every 2/3 of a second) beepdicator to inform you that the elevator door cannot close. This usually occurs because you are holding the door back to prevent it from crushing a newborn child, or because you are holding the “open door” button while you wait for your significant other to grab her zune in the apartment and god forbid she go anywhere without the ability to listen to the new Drake album.
• A (again) harsh ringing tone that sounds when you hit the help button. Which you do, often, because it’s located right above the “close door” button, and is actually where the “close door” button is located in the other elevator.

As mark rides the noise machine up through the series of floors, he listens as the elevator gleefully sounds its beep at each floor. Again, Mark concentrates on the rhythm, struggling to determine whether the rhythm is indeed arhythmical as he believes. It could simply be the maddening force of the oppressive beeps that has distorted his sense of reality/sense of rhythm so that he merely perceives the series of beeps as irregular, but he swears (pinky) that the beeps are not perfectly rhythmic. He’s certain something’s off. Well, at least certain that the beep on floor seven is a micromoment shorter than the rest.

The elevator reaches the eleventh floor, the top floor of the building, the floor which maximizes both the time Mark needs to spend in an elevator to reach his apartment, and, crucially, the number of (possibly) arhythmical beeps he must suffer.

He exits the elevator and hopes to get lefty next time.

Now that's Comedy makes a Porno(?)

Alright, so I guess a notch down the narcissistic ladder from googling oneself would be typing in your name.com. Well because I'm not a narcissist (hahahaha) instead I typed in www.nowthatscomedy.com into my address bar.

And there's fairly logical reasons to do so. Really, registering websites isn't too expensive and I could force myself to take this seriously if I had to plop down $17 to "purchase" the real domain to my blog title.

But someone already owns www.nowthatscomedy.com. Go ahead, you can try it if you want. It's not nsfw, but it comes awfully close. Indeed, www.nowthatscomedy.com redirects, promptly, to www.hotmoviechicks.com. Which is rude.

There are a few strange things about this:

• Why does hotmoviechicks.com need to own the domain nowthatscomedy.com? Are there a lot of people trying to get to hotmoviechicks.com and making a few typos? Like hotmale.com? Are they trying to provide a service to their users? Or! are they trying to capture poor url adventurers with a wide net of multiple urls that all direct to their XXX service?
• The website defies expectations a little in that there are no poorly photoshopped-topless Jessica Alba assaults you upon immediate load. Nor is there any nudity really. However, what is on display seems a thin pretense of non-porn, but seems to indicate, purposefully, that here be porn. It's sort of like some of the advertising on torrent sites. The not-necessarily-porn banners that everyone knows, if they aren't fooling themselves, are porn adverts.

The real problem with this new site is not that loyal followers of this blog (heh heh) will accidentally stumble upon titillating images of hollywood's moneyshots, but that it now pops up every time I begin to type in hotmail.com. It makes me feel/look the skeeve. And I don't appreciate that porno site. Not one bit.

See me later ;)

P.S. Both nowthatscomedy.ca and [...].org seem to be safe. For now.

P.P.S. I looked up cameronwalker.com because of what I wrote earlier. I was protected by my computer from an unsafe website. Either my computer is being overzealous in its attempts to protect me, or that cameronwalker.com, like its namesake, is one bad muthafucka.

The Force is Strong in these Directions

I'm a sucker for these stupid Star Wars GPS commercials. I laughed embarrassingly long at the first Darth Vader video (roundabound!) and this morning I saw a new Yoda video. I convinced myself before watching it that the first video was just a fluke and that I'd roll my eyes at this new video's lame pandering and become irritated as these videos continued to hit the YouTubes.

But I didn't. I laughed heartily at the pandering. Whatever, I can laugh if I want to.

A) He says roundabound!
B) I always loved the Yoda's first appearance in Empire, when he was a crazy hermit, and so this little video warmed the cockles of my laugh heart.

Dagobah!

The Bicycle Thief: William Shatner

I give a lot of love (love is the same as hate right?) to Star Wars here at Now that's Comedy, but Star Trek can be just as funny. I mean, had I been blogging at the time, I would have loved to post about Patrick Stewart's appearance on Extras, and William Shatner is always a source of amusement (how can you hate a man that embraces his own self as a self parody?).

But I digress, the point is this funny video with Nimoy and Shatner at some (possibly) 70's con wherein Nimoy attempts to prove, through anecdotal evidence, that Shatner is not a nice man.

I like when Shatner tries to bite Nimoy's ear. Or kiss it. Whatever he was planning on doing, I'm sure it was better for us all that he stopped.

Bam, first Star Trek tag.

Hot Tub Time Machine v. Casual Sexism

So, Hot Tub Time Machine. I first heard about this movie on /Film, when all that was knew about the film was the name of the film (and subsequently a little about what the film was about) and who was in it. The title alone had my interest, the shear absurdity of the main conceit tickled me, and the pedigree in terms of casting helped a lot. High Fidelity is a favourite for me, so I knew John Cusack could do comedy, Rob Corddry was always decent, if not charismatic, on the Daily Show, Craig Robinson gets some of the best jokes in The Daily Show, and Clarke Duke was great in the relatively unknown (web?) series Clark and Michael. Long sentence though it may be, I was pretty stoked for the movie.

Is stoked, a word, out of vogue? Is it just a stoner thing now? Sometimes I worry my vocabulary is full on lexical hipster-anachronisms. Full review/rant after the jump.

And I liked the trailer a lot. Well, sort of. I mean, it wasn't hysterical, but there was certainly some quality jokes, and the whole hot tub time machine gimmick looked to be just as ridiculous as the name would suggest. The eighties thing too seemed like a fun way to mine some comedy. I especially liked the red band trailer, like when Robinson declares that it must "be some kinda ... hot tub time machine! *musical cue*", and that he's not crying, it's "just water splashin his face from all the fuckin."

When the movie hit theatres I never really got around to see it because a) I just never got around to it, b) I was reluctant to spend the cash on it, especially since c) it didn't do very well with critics. I basically chalked it up to something to see on DVD.

Then I saw it on DVD. My verdict is that it's a serviceable comedy that flirts with mediocrity. There are funny moments (like the aforementioned bath-sex scene, the way the protagonists discover they are indeed in the '80s, the discussion of time paradoxes, and the one armed man shtick), enjoyable moments (Robinson's musical performance), and some decent comedic performances from the actors (Robinson and Duke particularly shine in contrast to the inoffensive Cusack and Corddry). I was also amused how if you take away the Hot Tub Time Travelin', Cusack's bit in the movie is essentially an obligatory Cusack role (see Serendipity, I guess). What did piss me off about Hot Tub, was the unnecessary and ignorant sexism that exists in the film.

I'm not even talking about the almost eventual sexism that occurs in most comedies that star a bunch of men, or even a bromance. I've come to accept this issue in some sense as a result of many male comedy writer's inability to write real female characters, or the tendency for these films to cater to their audience's (other males) or even their character's gaze on the female as a sexual object. By accept, in no way do I condone. It's shitty, but it's sadly the usual.

Yeah, so near the beginning of Hot Tub, where our troop first arrives at their weekend resort, Robinson asks the manager about reservations and tries to hide that he has a shared last name with his wife, in that he is Nick Webber-Agnew. Corddry upon hearing his shared name mocks him, and continues to do so throughout the film since hyphenizing his name has emasculated XX. This alone is fairly insulting, since although it is the most obnoxious character is that voices this mockery, Robinson himself never owns the hyphenization, indeed seems to admit that it wasn't his choice, or wouldn't have done so given the opportunity (i.e. balls), to take her name into his.

For more on this I'm going into spoiler territory. Here after, there be monsters.

So, later in the film we realize that Robinson's wife has actually cheated on him and that he knows she has but she doesn't know he knows (it's okay if you need to read that a few times, I'm not the most clear writer at times). And this tears him up inside, because he loves her and doesn't want to leave her but she's emasculated him. No wait! she's cuckolded him. Heh, don't get to use that word too often.

Further, thematically the whole movie basically provides the three adult characters (XX wasn't alive in the 80's) an opportunity to fix the mistakes they made this particular weekend in the '80's that apparently sent all their lives into the shittier (although it seems like their lives went into the shitter because they were essentially shitheads or losers, not because they all made some simple blunder this particular weekend, but whatever) and so Robinson gets an opportunity to kick off, rather than end, his musical career during his performance that weekend. Then, when we see him return to the present day, or rather the fixed present, i.e. the better life, he has a record label as a successful producer, a record label that proudly displays his surname, and only his surname. And when he speaks to his wife, who no longer has cheated on him, we discover that he has not hyphenized his name. He is just Nick Webber, a real man. In this ideal world, Robinson hasn't had none of that pussy taking your wife's surname faggotry.

Seriously? So, Robinson's character arc shows him regaining his masculinity from his wife, as symbolized in the hyphenization of his last name. Our lesson apparently: taking your wife's name is to be a cuckold. Awesome.

I'm sorry, but it's actually fairly forward-thinking to take part of your partner's name into yours. I mean, I think we've gotten passed the point where marriage means a woman belongs to a man, the whole legalized prostitution thing. Fuck, some people even make new names together, like they are two equal parts to a marriage. Call them crazy, I know.

SPOILERS END!!!

While, I don't think the writers (or I wouldn't accuse them of such just out of giving the benefit of the doubt) meant to admonish the hypenizing of a males name, the way they have used it as a symbol of Robinson's emasculation is touch of bigotry I don't think serves the flick well.

In Summation: Hot Tub Time Machine is decent enough. It is like The Hangover in that it is underwhelming despite some good comedic performances, and scrapes by in the three out of five gulf of a little better than bad. However, it is pretty damn sexist. But a lot of its audience won't really see it as such, which really irks me. People will laugh at the jokes and buy the hyphenizing as a symbol of emasculation, without recognizing how insulting this is to women, to equality. So in this way, Hot Tub propagates a backwards idea of gender politics, which isn't cool, and makes it far worse than a 3/5 really, since in the act of reviewing I shouldn't have to set aside issues of sexism to assign an objective grade.

Bah.

I've written Stargate Fan Fiction.

Woman Sues Common Sense

From a Toronto Star article:

A Utah woman is suing the search engine Google, claiming its maps function gave her walking directions that led her onto a major highway, where she was struck by a car.

So she got to the highway and then decided to walk along it, despite a) the fact the highway lacked either a sidewalk or a shoulder, and b) IT BEING A FREAKIN' HIGHWAY WITH CARS DRIVING AT 120 km/h!

She also got the walking directions off her Blackberry, meaning when she found that she was to walk on a dangerous highway, she could have looked up an alternative set of directions.

Even the Star gives its two sense, even if it is in that shitty "unbiased" way:

Others have pointed out that Rosenberg might have been best served by her own eyes after she reached a T-junction and found herself confronted with a patently unsafe walk.

I kept the link because, to make their two sense, the Star had to pull from some random news website.

Anyways, the point is: fuck you lady.

Han-larious

Heh heh heh.Both Harrison Ford and Billy Dee Williams went to the premier of Empire Strikes Back a 30th Anniversary release. But apparently AP news isn't a big fan of the flick. Either that or, like Colbert, they don't see colour. Or coolness apparently.

P.S. Williams is the cool one in this pair. Obviously.

Dream Fulfillment

I've done some techwriting in my past, and so I know the pain of using Adobe products. I'm not going to go on about how crappy their products are, because I don't really know what I'm talking about. I'm not an expert in software design so maybe their shit is actually good. I do know, however, that I myself experienced a great deal of frustration using their various products. Some of the most oblique work I've ever done is with Adobe Framemaker. That's saying a lot; I'm an academic.

Anyways, I found this blog, Maniacal Rage, that has a bunch of funny CS4 crash report descriptions. A sample:

Cathartic.

New David Cross

I'm not always the best person for keeping up with when comedy albums come out. In fact, I'm terrible.

For instance, I just discovered that that David Cross has an album (Bigger and Blacker) coming out May 25th. Pitchfork has a track up for a listen. They'll also have an interview with him later, which I'll also likely post something about. Maybe.

The track isn't downright hilarious, but who cares; I have a great fondness for Cross' stand-up and it's been since 2004 that I got a new official release (It's not Funny). My first year in university... Hmm, getting older.

Smack that... Um?

So I sit down to read Kenneth Burke's Counter-Statement and after TWO prefaces I decide I need to do something else. To the blogotorium!

Anyways, so I was visiting friends this weekend and there was one thing that consumed a great deal of our doings. While indeed we did spend a great number of hours playing a Call of Cthululhuluhhhully (sp?) board game (omg so nerdy), I think this video may have been the focal point of the entire weekend.

Watched it? Good. So I watched this off Boing Boing and as the video played I was trying to deduce what made him the worst DJ ever. Oh is it the drunk slurring about the conga? Oh, the music changed off the kookaronga (sp?) to Phil Collins and he doesn't do anything. But then all became clear... horribly clear.

This video fills me with questions.

• Does he shout "You wanna do it. Have a slice of wine!"? "Spice of lime"?
  
• Why does she just stand there? There is just zero reaction. Is this something that happens regularly? Has her soul just given up? Is she just so drunk that this seems normal?
• Does he know this woman at all? Maybe that's his significant other but I like to think that she's just a woman at the party who wants to request a song.
• The DJ just turns away from the woman with complete nonchalance, like he didn't just sexually assault a woman. Does he think he's in fact the GREATEST DJ EVER for his rockin boobongo solo? Like he has to play it cool?
  
• DID HE FINISH WITH A BACKHAND!?
  

Just crazy. Though this is not the first time Phil Collins has surprised me.

P.S. As a side note, because of the controversy surrounding the pronunciation of Cththhululhhu (sp?), our friends now refer to the great old one as Kraft Dinner. I hope this will clear the issue up for all.

TT: The Trotsky

Hey, it's going to say I posted on Wednesday, but that's a damned lie! This is still Tuesday. I won't conform to your conception of time, Blogger!

And with that revolutionary spirit in mind, how about a trailer for The Trotsky.

Jay Baruchel is hit or miss with me, but I was really impressed with his voice work in How to Train your Dragon, and this film actually looks pretty fun. Now, it is a Canadian film, but the trailer makes me optimistic despite. I do think Baruchel can carry a film, he's got a funny way about him certainly, so I think I'll try to see this film when it rolls around. I'm not sure if I'm going to have to find it in an independent theatre or not, though I bet it will get circulation in some of those big 12 theatre places if only for the reason that Avatar's out on DVD nowadays and they have to find something to play.

Baruchel also stars in Disney's upcoming The Magician's Apprentice, which is apparently connected to Fantasia in the most illogical way imaginable. Nic Cage has nothing to do with that classic, but suddenly he's bopping about in a trench coat and ridiculous hat shooting plasma bolts at people. I believe he actually even calls them plasma bolts. It looks surprisingly not terrible, but I'm sure Cage will bring his typical brand of irritation that may keep me away. AND his hair! ugh. I won't likely be seeing it in theatre but maybe I'll rent it to see how Baruchel does in the role.

Anyways, sorry for the slow goings on around here. I'm busy with school starting up and I've just launched another blog. I Can Beat This is my attempt at game criticism, starting with the game I'm almost least likely to really enjoy, but that's sort of the point. It may keep things a little slower here but I'm sure you'll manage.

Fuck you Wednesday, it's still Tuesday in my heart.

Trailer Tuesdays: Rubber and The Other Guys

I really dig movie trailers. Trailers are actually quite often better than the full movie. As brevity is the soul of wit, a two minute trailer sure asks you to condense your film into wit. There are better trailers and worse trailers, but there's a real art to making them. Given my love then, I think I'm going to start posting movie trailers for things that seem at least tangentially related to humour. This week we have a buddy-cop-comedy with Will Ferrell and Mark Whalberg, and a psychotic and telepathic spare tire. Yep, spare tire. Explanation and trailers after the jump.

The Other Guys:

Now I'm hit or miss with Will Ferrell movies, and The Other Guys' director also directed Talladega Nighta, so I'm a tad trepidatious about this movie. But the trailer does look pretty funny. Sam Jackson and The Rock look pretty damn funny as the typical buddy-cops, and Ferrell seems to be channeling his character from Stranger Than Fiction a little. I can see some cracks in the trailer that could mean some pretty stilted and obvious humour, but overall this trailer has made me want to see the film. The good-cop-bad-cop schtick and the wood-gun-smack are pretty damn funny.

Rubber:

So this is horror flick (with heavy leanings to B-horror flick I can only imagine) seems to be about a tire that kills people with its mind. Or, well, it kills people with psychokinesis... or is it telekinesis... listen, it kills shit with magic. You saw the trailer, the bird just explodes after the tire (is its name Rubber?) jiggles a bit. Honestly, I'm not sure how serious this film is, but I would certainly get a kick out of it. Imagine shots of terrified teens running through the flaming debris of a building, with quick cuts of a rolling tire pursuing them.

Really, I'm just glad its not a horror film about a telekinetic condom on a killing spree. Yee-ikes.

Someone call nine one hhhhooooly-shit!

P.S. Slagathor also showed me this ethically dubious, but certainly hilarious top twenty parenting fails.

Batman 3 Casting Rumors

Christopher Nolan looks to be taking Batman 3 in a, well, slightly different direction.

So this video really isn't all that funny. The concept itself is pretty funny. Batman is a dick and horndogs his way into Robin's date with some lady (actually Callie Thorne from Rescue Me), the lady calls Batman and Robin out for beating up women and fat dudes in tuxedos before her real boyfriend shows up to emasculate the dynamic duo. What's more of note here is that Batman and Robin are played by Sam Rockwell and Justin Long, respectively.

The video is a short film by James Duffy from 2007. Who knows why this is popping up now, but who cares. What IS exciting about this whole thing is that there is going to be another short called Robin's Speed Date, where Rockwell and Long will reprise their roles, and, wait for it, John Hodgman will be playing the Penguin.

You'll know Hodgman as PC from the "Hi, I'm a Mac" campaign that also starred Justin Long, but for me, I'll know Hodgman because I dream about him before I go to bed every night. I've never been one for role models or hero worship, but if I had the resources to fashion a marble bust of him for my living room, I would make three. So, this is possibly the best news I've ever had in my life. He'll be hilarious even if the short film blows, which it won't because Hodgman as the Penguin will bring about utopia.

Also, props to Justin Long for exposing his bare white legs in that uber-retro Robin costume. The reveal of his legs and the bottom half of that costume when he greets his ladyfriend for the first time is probably the best joke in the clip.

via /Film

Fashion and Common Sense Vs. Superheroes

I know these videos can be seen about anywhere on the internet but I like them too! so I'm posting them.

I love how Tim Gunn takes this completely seriously and never seems to be patronizing Alan Kistler. He seems like a genuinely nice and funny guy. I DON'T CARE IF HE WAS ON PROJECT RUNWAY!

The first one is here.

via Topless Robot.

Spooooon!